PMD2 4: Edward Munch

The next morning…

: I hate more things than you could even begin to comprehend, but none so much as you.

: Some days I just want to punch that guy in the face. Every day, for example.

: What a dumb slogan.

: OK, Pokemon! ♪ Time to get to work! ♪

: That’s not how normal people react to the phrase “time to get to work.”

Everyone leaves…

: No, we know exactly where we’re going. Back to bed.

: Well, come with me…

Upstairs…

: Is this the board for plot-relevant jobs?

: I have no idea what it is!

: The Pokemon posted here… are outlaws. They’re all shady characters and they’re wanted for committing crimes.

: Hunting people down and beating the crap out of them? This game just got a billion times better.

: I’m not so sure. I mean, I’ve never trusted law enforcement jobs. We don’t want to end up hunting down reformed criminals and Wigglytuff’s political rivals, y’know?

: There are bounties on their heads.

: We’re reptiles, not canines.

: In other words, there is a cash reward if you capture one.

: Yeah, great. Really.

: There are so many aggressive Pokemon these days that everyone’s having a hard time keeping track of the problem.

: Hm…

: It pains me to say this, but we’re not adding Loudred to the board. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to, but it just wouldn’t be right.

: (Spoilsport.) Anyway, so… bounty hunting. Yeah. Let’s do it.

: Hee-hee! Just kidding! ♪

: Are these people trying to make me hate them?

: The bad Pokemon out there come in all shades of badness. ♪

: I thought we weren’t doing the bounty thing anymore.

: Some of them are completely wicked, through and through… but there are also bad Pokemon who are merely petty thieves. So you’ve got evil to naughty… and everything in between! ♪

: There is a point, moreover, at which the unfortunate and the infamous are confounded in a single word, a fatal word, Les Bad Pokémon

: I realize you can only ask so much of these games, but this is still a pretty unnerving philosophy.

: So I’m sure we can avoid giving you a job catching a superbad Pokemon…

: Wait, so we are hunting down criminals? Then what was the “just kidding” about?

: Hee-heeeee! ♪

: I have to admit, I’m getting bitter- just a little bitter- all the time.

: So look over these posters, and pick a Pokemon that looks weak enough for you to bring to justice! ♪

: I’m still uncomfortable with this. How do we know who’s really bad? Who makes that decision? Oh, sure, it seems simple enough, but then the gray area comes and suddenly you’re left making decisions no one is qualified to.

: And it’s not like there’re watchdog agencies to keep you in check. What’s stopping you from putting a bounty on someone because they cut you off or you don’t like their face?

: But I suppose you do need to be prepared to confront a tough opponent…

: Hey, birdbrain! Focus!

: So I’ll have someone give you a tour of the facilities.

: What does this have to do with anything?

: Can’t afford to lose my head…

Bidoof: Yup yup!

: Why did it have to be beavers?

: Ah, Bidoof! These are the new recruits that just joined us! ♪ Take them and show them around the town. ♪

: Why didn’t we do this when we first got here? Or even yesterday?

: Yes sirree! By golly, I’ll do just that! Yup yup!

: I’d make a crack about your catchphrase, but it’s too familiar. There are some places even I won’t go.

: This is Bidoof. He’s one of your fellow apprentices. I want you to pay attention to what Bidoof has to say and follow his orders.

: I don’t want to, but I will anyway.

: Off you go! ♪

Exit Chatot.

: Wait, no, come back! I take back everything I said, just get this thing away from me!

: I’m glad to have members junior to me! I’m almost overcome right now… I just might blubber with happiness!

: Let’s see, so far we’ve met two schoolyard bullies, an extortionist, Wigglytuff, the most annoying alarm clock ever, a floating bell who cooks slightly worrisome colored spheres, and this thing. They’re not doing very well on the ‘likable characters’ front.

: Before you all signed on, I was the most recent rookie… Sniffle…

: I hate beavers.

: Yeah, beavers are dicks.

: Well, I’d best show you around. Come with me, please.

Downstairs

: I’m gonna hate this.

: Let me guess. He runs the shop.

: But to tell the truth I don’t have any idea what that Pokemon’s up to.

: Oh, okay, great, now you’re just gonna point out random people who don’t do anything. I can already tell this’ll be brief and succinct.

: He always seems to be fiddling around with that big cauldron back there. It’s all a mystery to me! Yup yup!

: Huh. Maybe it’s crafting or something.

: Give him 81 items and you might get a hat.

: That place will haunt my nightmares.

: I’d say we should go there, but I don’t want you to know where we sleep.

: You done telling us stuff we already know?

: Please don’t.

Outside

: I miss saving anywhere.

: Normally, you’d record your adventure by going to your bed at the guild. You can record it there too, yup yup! By golly, it’s a handy spot when you want to record your adventure frequently.

: And the most useless tutorial award goes to… ah, hell, it’s too hard to pick. Everyone wins!

West

: We don’t really even care.

: It’s called Treasure Town.

: That’s stupid and you’re stupid and this town is stupid.

: Hold on, I’m picking up some spontaneous knowledge.

: You know what it does.

: We’ll never use it even though I’m sure it’s extremely useful if you know what you’re doing.

: Can but won’t since it’s easier to just find stuff lying around.

: Presuming she doesn’t eat them again.

: Oh, now you’ve done it. You’re threatening his job and now he’s plotting your demise. Beavers are vengeful creatures.

: Alright, then. Come find me when you’re ready to go.

: Found you!

: I’ll give you a helping hand in selecting the right outlaw for you.

: We’re looking for a bounty, not a dress.

: Anyway, erm… ‘thanks’ for all your ‘help.’

: Don’t bother, you’re just encouraging him.

: What’d I tell ya?

: I’ll be waiting at the guild’s upper underground floor for you.

: Good riddance.

: Wanna chat up the NPCs or just head right back?

: To hell with the NPCs. It’s time for some gameplay.

: Don’t do this to me, man. You know they’ve just got Oran Berries and crap.

: Sorry, it’s not my call.

: Stupid game.

The Keckleon Market


: For the last time, I don’t want to join your mailing-

: Oh, what is it now?

: Welcome, my young friends! ♪

: Is there anybody who doesn’t use that symbol?

: Hello. May I buy an Apple?

: My tragedy senses are tingling.

: Oh, most certainly!

Marill and Azurill bought an Apple at Keckleon Market.

: Alright, now it’s time for someone to steal it and resolve our “Who to beat up?” problem.

: Thank you, Misters Keckleon!

: No, thank you, my young friends! You are to be admired! ♪

: “Everyone should follow your example and buy things from me!”

: Well, that was pointless… for the moment, at least.

: You have no idea how much I care.

: Lately, their poor mother has fallen sick. So those youngsters come and do the shopping for her.

: I tried something like that once. Turns out you can’t live on Pop-Tarts and microwave pocket sandwiches.

: It’s quite remarkable. Though very young, they’ve stepped up and taken charge. ♪

: This is going to end in tears.

: Yup, here it goes.

: Oh? What’s the hurry? What makes you return here in such a rush?

: There was an extra Apple!

: How do you manage to walk all the way offscreen before realizing you were just handed two apples instead of one?

: We didn’t pay for this many.

: Aw, look. They’re so sweet and innocent. The poor bastards.

: Oh, yes. That, my young friends, is a gift from me and my brother.

: “Hey, I never agreed to-” “Shut up, BRRRROTHER”

: They were never introduced to the concept of ‘gifts’ at home.

: Please, share it among yourselves and do enjoy.

: Really?!

: Drink it in, kid. Soon you’ll be old and ugly and nobody will love you anymore.

: Yay! Thank you, Mr. Keckleon and Mr. Keckleon!

: You have to feel bad about about their impending doom.

: Oh, not to worry, my friends. Do take care on your way home. ♪

: I gotta admit, I kind of hope this is going to be the low-end apple theft kind of tragedy.

: Let’s hope this escalates into a minor tragedy, thus averting anything more depressing.

: Why am I stealing this apple? I’m not a complete monster.

Trielo gave the apple back to Azurill.

: Okay, that was pointless.

: And now we have to worry about their mom being eaten by a time vortex or something again.

But then suddenly…

(No, this isn’t a shadow passing over the sun. The screen tints itself this brownish color a couple of times and a ‘mysterious’ sound plays.)

: The hell was that?

It happened again.

: Sometimes I hate being a protagonist.

And a third time.

: Oh well. Hallucinations are part of the job, I suppose.

Now where have we seen that before?

: Is this telepathy or an unsolicited flashback?

: O-kay, then. Thanks for that, game.

: Is something the matter?

: Nope. Now hurry up and get your stuff stolen so we can bring it back.

: Yup! I’m coming! Wait up!

: Yup!

: We’re done with our shopping… now we’ve gotta look for an item we’ve lost!

: Uh-oh. I knew there was a job in here somewhere.

: Let’s get going.

: Yup! I’m coming!

: That’s not the last we’ll see of them.

: I heard the plot.

: The ghost thing again?

: No. I heard Azurill scream for help. I’m not sure how I know that, but there you go.

: To be fair, we knew they’d get into trouble sooner or later.

Back towards the east…

: I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say we’re about to bag ourselves a con.

: God dammit.

: Thank you!

: Please! It’s nothing.

: Oh! Hi.

: Let’s jump the gun a bit here and call this a drug bust.

: Some time ago, we lost an item that’s very important to us… We’ve been looking all over… but we haven’t found it yet!

: And now you need us to save you from yourselves. Or maybe find it.

: Then Mr. Drowzee came along…

: And here’s where it all goes south.

: And he says he may have seen our lost item somewhere!

: All these non-specific nouns are making me suspicious.

: He even offered to help us look for it.

: And all it costs… is your soul.

: We’re so happy about this!

: Thank you, Mr. Drowzee!

: Oh, please… I’d have to have a cold heart to ignore kids in need! I can’t turn a blind eye!

: This is still suspicious as hell.

: Let us be on our way to begin our search!

: If they get in a white van, I’m calling the police.

: Yup!

: Yup!

(He just bumped into Trielo.)

: Excuse me.

: Not this again.

: Note to self: No physical contact.

: Called it.

: H-h-h… HELP!

: Another protagonism-induced psychic vision?

: C’mon, Floyd. It’s time to fight pedophilia with the power of music.

: I’m all for it… I think… but we can’t just chase after them. We’ll have to go through the Guild.

: This Guild thing is more trouble than it’s worth.

Next: Agents are… GO!

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