PMD2 3: Call His Bluff

The next morning…

?: RISE AND SHINE!

: Ugh… god damn it…

: Why are you still ASLEEP?! WAKE UP!

: Kill yourself!

: I’m not sure if I have a head anymore.

: C’mon! Snap OUT of it!

: Go make someone else miserable!

: I’m Loudred! And I’m a fellow new apprentice! If you’re late for our morning meeting, you’ll be SORRY! So MOVE it!

: Let me sleep! I’ll deal with the consequences.

: Guildmaster Wigglytuff has a BIG temper! If you make him lose it…

: What, he’ll smother me? C’mon, you gotta do better than that. The man’s built like a pillow.

: I think I can feel my face again!

: YOWEE! That’ll be one scary scene! I’ve got goose bumps just thinking about it! YEESH!

: Wait, no, there it goes.

: Dude, inside voices!

: I’m not about to get in trouble because you rookies got up LATE!

: But you’re not worried about getting in trouble for breaking my partner?

: No, it’s… ugh… I think I’m fine… well, al-

: SO GET IT IN GEAR!

: Nevermind.

One medkit later…

: Yeah, ’cause somebody burst my eardrums.

: Hush! Your voice is ridiculously loud!

: Humph!

: It’s about time somebody shut him up.

: Everyone seems to be present. Very well! ♪ Let us conduct our morning address.

: I think my high school had one of those.

: Guildmaster! ♪ The guild is in full attendance! ♪

: Hey there, Pinky.

: Thank you, Guildmaster! ♪ Please address the crew.

: Woah, he can sleep standing up and attend the morning address? Why didn’t we think of that?

: This guy is my new hero.

Apprentice: (Psst! Guildmaster Wigglytuff never ceases to amaze me!)

Apprentice: (Yeah, it’s amazing!)

Apprentice: (It looks like he’s wide awake!)

Apprentice: (Eek! His eyes are wide open but he’s fast asleep!)

: The Apprentice Quadruplets are my least favorite. Except Loudred, of course.

: Thank you, sir! We all value your… words of wisdom. ♪

: ♪?

: ♪.

: ♪!?

: ♪!

: Trust me, that was probably the single most educational thing I’ll see all game.

: Finally, let’s not forget our morning cheers! ♪ All together now! ♪

: Wait, cheers? I never got a copy of the cheers.

Everyone: A ONE, A TWO… A ONE-TWO-THREE!

Everyone: ONE! DON’T SHIRK WORK!

: This place is at odds with my most treasured and fundamental values.

Everyone: TWO! RUN AWAY AND PAY!

: So, like, if we’re attacked we should bribe them and run like hell?

Everyone: THREE! SMILES GO FOR MILES!

: A smile is just a frown waiting to happen.

: Okay, Pokemon! Get to work! ♪

: I think we’ve stumbled onto some kind of cult.

[Exuent chorus.]

: Hey, you two shouldn’t be wandering around there! Come with me.

: We weren’t wandering, we were going back to bed.

On the next floor…

: You’ll never know how wrong a statement that is.

: We’ll have you start off with this assignment. ♪

: Great, more tutorials.

: You’re aware that bad Pokemon are cropping up in greater numbers, right?

: Just get on with it.

: Time getting out of whack has caused an outbreak of bad Pokemon. Perhaps because of all that…

: Wait, woah, back up. Time?

: Do you have any idea how crazy you sound?

: How do you break time? And what does that have to do with bad Pokemon?

: We have noticed an increase in the number of jobs.

: That’s about five miles off-topic.

: In addition… and it’s unknown if this is because of time’s influence…

: No. Stop. Back up. You’re moving a bit too fast here. Let’s get back to the part where you guys managed to break time how the hell do you do that?

: There has also been a mass outbreak of…

: Fine. Forget it. Let’s just go with what you want to talk about.

: Mystery dungeons.

: Say what now?

: So they’re, like, actually insane logic-defying death pits this time? We’re not trying to pretend that forests have staircases?

: Well now this game makes several thousand times more sense than the last one.

: Well! You’re quite informed, aren’t you?

: I’m not sure how you concluded that, but yes. We’ve had experience.

: That makes things much easier for me to explain! ♪ Jobs all take place in mystery dungeons. So… let’s find a job that you should perform!

: Okay, sure, great. While you’re doing that, could we go back to the time thing…? Please?

: Just give up. We’re not gonna get anything useful out of him.

: Ah, yes. ♪ Maybe this will do?

: Fine, let’s get this over with. Let me see it.

“An outlaw has run off with my most prized possession. My precious pearl!”

: Wait, Spoink are pig-things, right? Why would it have- oh I get it.

“That pearl is life itself… to me!”

: What kind of shamelessly materialistic culture are we raising our kids in?

“I just can’t seem to settle down if that pearl isn’t in its proper place atop my head!”

: That can’t be safe.

“But I’ve heard my pearl has been sighted! It’s said to be on a rocky bluff. But that bluff is reported to be extremely unsafe.”

: That’s normal for a cliff.

“I could never go someplace that frightening!”

: Why do we always get jobs from total pansies?

“Oh, friendly readers! Would you be so kind as to go to the bluff and get my pearl?”

: Yeah sure whatever.

“I beg your help, Exploration Team members!

-From Spoink”

: Why are we doing this again? I just saved the world, I don’t have to go picking up after some-

: Hush! It’s important that you rookies pay your dues!

: Man, that “deep financial pit” thing was supposed to be a joke.

: Now pay attention! I’ll repeat the warnings again to make sure they stick!

: No, really, we’re fine. We know this stuff.

: You’ll be forced out of a dungeon and sent back here if either of you faints.

: Ha! My near-endless supply of Reviver Seeds begs to differ.

: We don’t have that anymore.

: Bugger.

: You’ll lose half your money! And you could lose half your items or more. You’d best be careful!

: What are you, my mom?

: If you’ve understood all that, you’d best get with the job! ♪

A Bluff

: I don’t think bluffs look like this.

: Can you honestly say you’re surprised?

Drenched Bluff B1F

: Hey there, freakish metal bug thing! Let us finish reading about our inventory and we’ll be right with you, okay?

: S’cool, take your time.

(Important development: Gravalerocks are now Geo Pebbles. Out of all the gameplay changes, this is the most significant, as Gravalerocks are perhaps the most useful items ever. Except Reviver Seeds.)

Drenched Bluff B5F

item! You should check your inventory carefully to make sure you’ve got the real thing and not one of those sneaky Lookalikes!

: …Huh. I’m not sure if that’s clever or dumb.

: This is gonna come back to bite us.

Drenched Bluff B7F

: That was suspiciously easy.

: This thing was stolen, right? What kind of dumbass thief hides stuff at the bottom of an easy dungeon in the middle of the room where nobody could possibly miss it?

: More importantly, why would somebody see it and not pick it up?

: Think picking it up will trigger a rolling boulder of death?

: Only one way to find out.

Trielo picked up a Pearl! Inside the Pearl was a Pearl! Trielo put the Pearl in the Treasure Bag.

: Aw, no death traps. I’m kind of disappointed.

Wigglytuff’s Den of Iniquity

: Th-thank you! That pearl must be propped on my head, you see.

: …No, not really.

: I missed it so much! I just couldn’t settle down without it up there!

: Great, an OCD bouncing pig thing. Just what we needed.

: So I was just boinging and sproinging everywhere!

: …And you aren’t now?

: That’s why I’m covered in dings and bumps.

: You sure you didn’t ‘fall down the stairs?’

: But thanks to you, that long nightmare is over!

: “Maybe now that my pearl is back, Daddy will love me again!”

: You have my sincere thanks!

You also received a Calcium!

You also received an Iron!

: The hell is this kid tryin’ to give us drugs?

You were also given $2000! Incredible!

: Just imagine all the Reviver Seeds we could buy with that! Near-immortality, here we come.

: …Do you guys normally carry thousands of Poke-dollars?

: Of course! That’s nothing compared to my pearl’s value!

: Well now I feel kind of cheated.

: Farewell!

: I look forward to never seeing you again!

: Uh-oh, the bird’s talking. This is about to go south real fast.

: Called it.

: And so the big fish eat the little ones.

: And your team’s share of the money comes to this much…! ♪

: C’mon, man, that’s chump change. We were finding more than that in a single drop last game.

: Well that’s the guild’s rule! You simply have to accept it! ♪

: Eh, whatever. We probably won’t even bother buying things.

: What just happened?

: Where are we and why is our cook a floating bell?

: Come on! Dinner’s on! ♪

: They’re really proud of themselves for figuring out that ♪ symbol.

: Man, I just love… uh… green and purple spheres…

: What the hell are they feeding us?

?: Aaah! I’m done eating! Excellent meal!

?: I’m stuffed and now I’m getting sleepy…

?: Yep, I’m off to bed! Good night, gang!

?: Good night!

: We should turn in too. I need to sleep off the horror.

I walk away from the soundless room…

: And why is that southern chick so popular? The only thing worse than her singing is her acting, and even that’s not as bad as her writing.

Next: A painting!

Advertisements

About this entry