PMD2 2: …Is Equal to the Love You Make.

: I remember when I had a building shaped like me. Good times.

: I thought you didn’t know anything.

: Well, I mean, it’s shaped like a Wigglytuff and the kids are into MMOs these days, so…

: The giant pink bunny-tent-thing is weird? I’m shocked.

: Oh, and they’ve got the dumbest security system, too. Watch.

?: Whose footprint? Whose footprint?

: Seriously? That’s what they’re gonna go with?

?: The footprint is Squirtle’s! The footprint is Squirtle’s!

: I can’t help but feel that this system is discriminatory against our footless friends. What if Koffing wanted to… what are we doing again?

: The narration said we formed an exploration team. I guess this is Exploration HQ or something.

?: Someone’s with you! So get that stranger to stand up THERE!

: If I was capable of not talking for more than 30 seconds, I probably could have just walked right around this thing and slipped in after you.

: All right, all right! Impatient bastard…

?: Whose footprint? Whose footprint?

: Are you gonna do that every time?

?: The footprint is… The footprint is… Um…

: Wait, really? You’ve never seen a Treecko before? You’re bad at this.

?: What’s the matter? Sentry! Sentry?!

: Sentry! What happened!? Sentry! SENTRY!

?: What’s wrong, sentry Diglett?

Diglet: Um… er…

: What’s that, Sentry? You say Diglett fell down a well?

: It’s just like my Japanese animes!

: Umm… the footprint is… Maybe Treecko’s! Maybe Treecko’s!

: I can see they got the best man for the job.

?: What?! MAYBE?!

: B-but… it’s not a footprint that you normally see around here…

: Kid, this game doesn’t care about animals living in the appropriate habitat.

?: UGH! That’s pretty crummy!

: Uh… what?

?: Checking the footprints of visiting Pokemon… That’s your job, ISN’T it, Diglett?

: I think we’re supposed to go “Man that guy’s harsh,” but Diglett is pretty bad at this.

: Yes, but… I don’t know what I don’t know.

: And you don’t know that the green lizard is a green lizard?

: This could take a while.

?: Sorry to make you WAIT.

: Do you have to yell?

: Yeah, well, I don’t think floating purple balls of gas live on beaches, either, but whatcha gonna do?

?: But you don’t SEEM to be bad… OK! Good enough! Enter!

: I give this place a week. Maybe two.

: Okay, then. Time to enter Wigglytuff’s Den of Iniquity.

: Amazing! It’s a room!

: I am shocked and astounded by this application of ladder technology.

: The birds are totally gonna eat those guys.

: Should we do something?

: Nah. It’s the circle of life. We just gotta let it play out.

: For a den of iniquity, it lacks a certain… iniquity. Well, except for the guys who are about to get eaten alive.

?: Excuse me!

: Woah, what is that? Is that some kind of crazy talking rainbow cactus?

: Oh, it’s just a bird.

: I’m Chatot! ♪

: I wish I knew how to say “♪.”

: I’m the Pokemon in the know around these parts! I am Guildmaster Wigglytuff’s right-hand Pokemon! ♪

: Uh-huh, yes, I’m sure you’re very important. Now, do me a favor and find somebody who can help us, okay?

: Now, shoo! Leave the premises! We have no time for salespeople or silly surveys. Off you go, if you please.

: Aw, that’s cute. Are you lost, little boy? Maybe we can find your parents while we figure out this exploration team-

: Exploration team?!

: How old are we supposed to be, anyway?

: Truly a mystery for the ages.

: Especially given how hard our training is!

: Pfffft ahaha.

: Surely the steady stream of Pokemon that run away from our rigorous training proves how true that is!

: I’m pretty sure they’re just running away from you.

: What?!

(Just so you know he’s kind of fluttering a couple inches off the ground here.)

: It’s not true in the slightest!

: Aww, c’mon, we’re just teasin’. You don’t have to get so worked up.

: Our training program is easy as easy can be!

: Easy? No thanks. I’m not playin’ through a second time just to get the bonus content. Jack it up to medium.

: I’m terrified now.

: I’m not sure this is a good idea, but I’ll do it anyway.

: He’s a creepy li’l bugger, ain’t he?

: You’d think Wigglytuff would want a right-hand man with some patience.

Downstairs…

: Where no one can hear us scream?

: This is mainly where the apprentices work.

: Oh, good, we found the sweatshop.

: Team registration is this way. Come along, please.

: Wait a minute…

: How the hell does that work?

: Oh, please! Hush now!

: You don’t have to be such a jerk about it.

: The guild is built into the side of a cliff. It’s only natural that you would be able to see outside.

: Oh… uh, I guess that does make sense. Boy do I feel dumb.

: This isn’t going to end well.

: On no account… I repeat, on no account are you to be discourteous to our Guildmaster.

: Well, we’re screwed.

: I bet every time Wigglytuff hears that he dies a little bit inside.

: …

: …

: …You know, it’s a wonder I can still move my neck. You’d think it’d end up stuck like this.

: Guildmaster… um… Guildmaster?

: Geeze, get a load of those eyes!

: It’s like they’re staring into my soul.

: I’m Wigglytuff! I’m the Guild’s Guildmaster!

: So we gathered.

: You want to form an exploration team? Then, let’s go for it! First we must register your exploration team’s name!

: Whaddya think, same as last time?

: Actually, I think it’s we need a change. The joke only works once, you know?

: Then cheap cultural references it is.

: So tell me your team’s name?

(Sadly, the character limit means my first choice, Team Marley & Marley, isn’t an option.)

: We’re losers, we’re liars, we’re bastards, we’re thieves.

: We’re cynicists, we’re pessimists, and we don’t believe in nothin’.

: Not our best work, but 10 characters isn’t much.

: Registering! ♪ Registering! ♪

: Maybe saying ♪ is one of the things they teach new recruits.

: All registered!

: Ooo… kay.

: Congratulations! From now on you’re an official rescue team!

: And yet, somehow, I can’t shake the feeling that this was a mistake.

: I present you with this in commemoration.

: Not to be confused with the Rescue Team Starter Set.

: Ah, memories.

: Yup. It’s what every exploration team needs. Quick, open it up.

: Hey! What if I wanted to open that, huh?

: You didn’t.

: Nope.

: That certainly doesn’t remind me of anything.

: It’s almost like the sequel uses mechanics from the original.

And a Wonder Map…

: We get a map this time? Man, the Rescue Team guys must have been holding out on us.

And a Treasure Bag!

: It wouldn’t be an RPG without the inventory.

: That’s your Explorer Badge! It’s your official team identification!

: …No, that’s our Treasure Bag. We already looked at the badge.

: And there’s the Wonder Map, which is a wonder of convenience!

: Ahaha- kill me now.

: Finally, there’s the Treasure Bag. It lets you carry items you find in dungeons. Your successes as an exploration team can lead to bigger and bigger space for your Treasure Bag.

: Couldn’t you just give us a bigger bag now? I can understand wanting us to learn the importance of inventory management, but since we won’t need it once the bag is big enough-

: It’ll probably never be big enough.

: Yeah…

: It’s a very wonderful bag! ♪ Have a peek inside your Treasure Bag.

: …Ew?

: And the Treasure Bag peered back into Floyd.

The Power Band was inside!

: I liked Power better as a solo artist.

A Sky Blue Bow was also inside!

: The hell are we supposed to use this for?

: Those two items are special.

: No they’re not.

: I’m sure they will help you on your adventures! ♪

: No they won’t.

: Yup. But you’re only apprenticing now, so do your best… to train!

: Erm… thanks?

: Alright, then. C’mon, let’s hurry up and plow through this game.

: Why are you doing that? Don’t do that, it’s creeping me out.

Later…

: Oh, boy. If there’s one thing I was going to miss, it was sleeping on goddamn grass.

: This is your room! ♪

: I wish we got a kazoo or something. All this ♪ing is making me feel left out.

: You slept on this for a whole game?

: I dunno what kind of cushy off-screen setup you had, but at least I’m prepared for this.

: You will live here while you work for us. Things will start getting busy for you tomorrow! ♪

: Great. I’m up for some actual gameplay.

: So rise early-

: Nevermind I hate this.

: -and start living up to our code!

: There’s a code? Bugger.

: Don’t stay up late. Get to sleep early tonight! ♪ That is all.

: Sure thing, Pink Beak.

: Wanna stay up all night and complain about pop music?

: You know me too well.

Dreamless dorm, ticking clock…

: …And how the hell did a song from Les Miserables get on the charts? I don’t have a problem with Les Mis, but it’s just so random.

Next: The first real dungeon.

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