PMD 26: Incompetence

Mt. Blaze Floor 5F

abs: Uh…

: What the hell is this thing?

abs: I find it extremely unsettling.

t3: I say we take it. Its bizarre, tentacled monstrosity will strike mild discomfort into the hearts of my foes.

: Well, I guess it’s better than living the rest of my life under a rock.

The next morning…

: Some day they’ll come up with a new use for the screen-shaking effect and it will be glorious.

: Haven’t you heard of knocking?

: On what door?

: Oh, right. We should’ve made the Mankeys install one.

t3: I forget where we’re going!

: This looks familiar. Did I inexplicably transform into Bill Murray?

s2: Hey, Lombre! What is it this time?

: Let me guess. Blastoise and pals failed, right?

: …You should just go see for yourself…

: So we don’t have to save their asses. Quite the twist.

shift: ………They were wiped out… in the underground dungeon.

: Um… thanks?

: Groan… that place… it’s rough, seriously…

: We couldn’t get far enough to even see Groudon…

: I don’t want to ever go back to a place that bad…

t3: Pansies.

: Oh, boo-hoo-hoo. Suck it up and bring some goddamn supplies next time.

?: Kekekekekeh!

: Ah, hell. We all know what this means.

: Dammit!

: This coming from the guy who wants to take over the world by overcharging for good deeds.

: Uh, Gengar? You’re looking at the… well, I mean, he wasn’t the one talking- look, I’m over here, okay?

: Bitch you did not just say that.

: Now you’re really in for it.

?: It’s too much… even Blastoise went down…

?: It’s gotta be awful tough.

?: Who’d want to go into a dungeon that dangerous?

: They’re finally seeing sense. Somehow, I thought I’d be happier about that.

?: There’s no way. I can’t go. I burn too easily.

: That didn’t stop me.

?: I can’t take earthquakes.

?: It’d be like going and knowing full well we’d get wiped.

: What a whiny bunch of losers.

: What’s there to understand? It’s simple, really. Everyone who isn’t us is doomed to failure because they’re not the main characters.

: You’re not the only one with a type disadvantage. Stop being such a goddamn pussy.

t3: Yeah, that sounds about right.

: Sometimes it’s better to wise up and give up!

t3: Well, yeah, unless you’re the main character in a Pokemon game.

: Smug ass.

: Y’know, in the real world this guy might have a point.

s2: Yeah, but this is magical fairy Pokemon land, where sheer bloody-mindedness always wins out over caution.

s2: I think we both know the right answer.

: Damn straight. Let’s show this smug bastard a thing or two.

: Yeah, Lombre, that means you.

: That should be one sentence.

: Yeah, I don’t know what came over me there.

?: Wh-what!?

?: What did they say?

: What’re you, deaf?

: How d’ya like that, you purple jackass?

?: I can’t say I know them.

?: It’s Team IronicName. They’re well-known around these parts.

: Y’know, it’s kinda starting to look like they didn’t really mean it when they said every rescue team was trying to kill us.

?: Team IronicName…? You mean the lot that were suspected of involvement in the Ninetales legend?

?: I heard about that! Weren’t they living like fugitives until recently?

: Scratch that, they’re just a bunch of goldfish.

: Either that or these updates are coming out in real time.

?: Can they handle it? They don’t look very tough…

: My undertrained level 23 ass is more than prepared to face this nightmarish hell-dungeon.

s2: Look, we might be a bunch of incompetent, underleveled, overconfident malcontents, but we’re going to do it anyway.

: No, that’s Team Gurren. We’re too aloof for pride. I thought we went over this during last week’s meeting.

s2: No, my good sir, it is you who are not very bright, for, you see, we also have an ace up our sleeve.

: We’re the main characters, which means we’re immortal and can make as many failed attempts as we need. That and we have a near-endless supply of ill-gotten Reviver Seeds.

: Why don’t you make like everyone else and wise up?

shift: …No. Floyd is right.

: …Ugeh?

s2: Does this mean you guys will help?

: And possibly ruin their perm? No way! I won’t let them take such a risk. It wouldn’t be right.

?: …That’s right. I wasn’t thinking straight… out of fear.

: …Ugegeh?

?: We all forgot the most important thing. We are rescue teams.

: This whole conversation is really ironic once you consider the fact that they’ll all be hanging back to provide ‘moral support.’

: I kind of hope this is some sort of meta-satire.

?: …Pride… We have it too! Pride as rescuers!

: Pride enough to let someone else do it.

: Why would you listen to that clown and, worse, be persuaded?

: That line would be so much better if it came from Franziska von Karma.

: Why go if you’re facing certain defeat!?

s2: It’s called power leveling.

t3: Gengar I don’t think you’ve very good at RPGs.

: Is that so…?

: We failed the fight against that Articuno jerk like twenty billion times. I’m not impressed yet.

: …This is no time to be lying around!

: Ugegeh!

: What the hell is that sound even supposed to be?

: Yes, no more wallowing in woe-is-me self-pity.

: If we give up, that’s how it ends. Not for me.

: Alright, we’ve got two distinct thoughts here, but there’s nothing to connect the two. Still, it’s a start. Just keep trying, okay?

: Ugegeh! You lot, that isn’t the tune you were listening just a little…

: Public opinion is a fickle mistress.

?: Aye, that’s right!

: Ah, I see some among you still have a lick of se-

?: There have got to be ways we can get through!

: Wait what?

?: If we all pull together, we’ll be sure to find a way!

: Here’s a tip: Let us do it.

?: We’ll conquer the dungeon by having all rescue teams cooperate!

: Hahaha yeah right.

: There’s no way in hell they’ll code non-party allies.

?: Wrooooooooaaaar!

: Oh shit it’s the Hulk everybody clear out!

: It sure as hell ain’t my dream. If it was, I’d have noclipped into the pub by now.

: Don’t say I didn’t warn you when you get into a world of pain! Ugegegegeh!

: No, really, what the hell is that?

t3: I’m gonna miss him.

s2: No you’re not.

t3: No I’m not.

: Why do they keep giving you the credit? I’m supposed to be the viewpoint character, aren’t I?

: You stopped us from throwing away the most important thing we have- pride.

: Okay, I know Christianity isn’t a popular religion in Japan, but… c’mon, really?

: My thanks from all of us.

: Let’s show them what we rescue teams are really about!

: I think this is the part where they all go hide somewhere until it’s time to congratulate us for beating Groudon.

: Dragons! Everybody hit the deck!

t3: Highlight of the day, as always.

s2: Looks like it’s finally time for a new dungeon.

t3: We ready to roll?

s2: You know it.

Next: Another fire level!

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