SMW2+3: The Essence Star MST

(This is fan content for somestrangeflea’s SMW2+3: The Essence Star LP.)

Chateau D’Or

?: It’s been a very long time. At least a few decades.

mike: Long, long ago in a decade far, far away…

?: You and your brother have obviously grown a lot since I last saw you.

crow: Look, let me just give it to you straight: I’m breaking up with you.

?: Thus, it’s unlikely you remember me.

tom: Couldn’t we have left it that way?

gyosh: Hello, Mario. I’m Golden Yoshi, and I’m

crow: A liberal arts school drop-out?

gyosh: the one who called you here.

tom: Since Mario can’t speak for himself, allow me to speak for him: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

gyosh: We go way back, to when you were just a young child.

crow: You were more attractive back then.

mike: Okay, that’s enough.

gyosh: I understand your trip here was not a safe one.

gyosh: Unfortunately, it seems the one behind your shipwreck is the same one who put you in grave danger when you were a mere tyke.

mike: Man, Hasselhoff’s kind of a dick.

gyosh: I should keep you in the dark no longer.

tom: Then how about an actual background?

gyosh: I must tell you how this all began.

gyosh: You and your brother were being delivered to your parents by the stork.

mike: And that… was the first time I died.

gyosh: That’s when he saw the perfect opportunity to take you for his twisted plans.

gyosh: He who I speak of is Kamek. He attempted to snatch both of you from the stork.

crow: Luckily for my twisted plans, he was really bad at it.

gyosh: Only managing to take Luigi, you fell into the open sea.

mike: What does this remind me of?

tom: Fruitcake?

gyosh: Luckily, you landed on Yoshi’s Island. Wanting to protect you

crow: If you know what I mean.

mike: Crow!

gyosh: the Yoshies vowed to reunite you with your brother. They called upon me, their

tom: Marty Stu

gyosh: “Chosen One”

tom: Like I said, Marty Stu.

gyosh: to defeat Kamek.

gyosh: After his crushing defeat, Kamek revealed his motives for taking two innocent babies.

tom: They were… unspeakable.

gyosh: He needed the power of two pure hearts to lift an evil curse upon him.

crow: He was gonna go for a stoner and his dog, but somebody beat him to it.

gyosh: This may come as a shock, but Kamek was once a Yoshi just like me.

mike: Okay, now you’re just making stuff up.

gyosh: The curse, which turned him into an ugly creature, was punishment for a deplorable act he committed.

tom: How far gone do you have to be to rip off The Beauty and the Beast?

gyosh: And the one who cast that horrendous spell on him was none other than me…

crow: Wait, is the author avatar showing signs of self-doubt?

mike: No, that’s just bad writing.

gyosh: Hard to believe the two of you went through such turmoil at such a young age. You are likely wondering what Kamek did to deserve such punishment. That’s the second half of my story…

tom: You’re not very good at segues.

gyosh: Many years ago, a mysterious jewel appeared from the sky and landed in a mountain valley. It was discovered by a passerby. He was amazed by the star’s scintillating beauty.

mike: This guy doesn’t have a single original bone in his body.

gyosh: He brought the jewel to Euphoria Island and sold it to me for a large sum of coins.

tom: Hold on, I thought you used to live on Yoshi’s Island.

gyosh: Heavy research was then conducted on the star by Professor Frankly, who determined its great power.

crow: It can kill a yak from two hundred yards away… with mind bullets!

tom: That’s telekinesis, Kyle.

gyosh: The star had the power

crow: To move you.

gyosh: to sense individuals’ auras and personalities and influence the world around them.

tom: What in the hell does that mean?

gyosh: If the star was entrusted to a generous individual

mike: By which I mean “me.”

gyosh: It’d bring prosperity and joy

mike: By which I mean “a castle made of gold.”

gyosh: On the other hand, if the star fell into the hands of evil, it’d bring about great despair and gloom. Thus, this magnificent jewel was named “The Essence Star.”

crow: I don’t get it.

tom: Well, you see, the star detects the… um… essence… and it can… change… look I don’t know either, okay?

gyosh: Eventually, the Essence Star was handed to me,

mike: Now there’s a surprise.

gyosh: as many considered me an upstanding individual. During my possession of the star, there was an era of great happiness and fortune.

tom: Except for when I decided it shouldn’t be.

gyosh: That happiness was short-lived.

crow: I ate the star.

gyosh: Someone else had his eye on the star.

mike: David Hasselhoff?

crow: Ayn Rand?

tom: Sonic the Hedgehog?

gyosh: One night, he snuck into my place to steal the star.

mike: Sly Cooper?

crow: Solid Snake?

tom: GoldenYoshi?

gyosh: It was, you guessed it,

mike: The pizza man?

gyosh: Kamek.

crow: Aww!

tom: Damn!

mike: I was sure I had it!

gyosh: Apparently, someone had offered Kamek a great deal of coins to

crow: Molest Harman Smith?

gyosh: steal the star. Knowing Kamek was taking it for purely selfish reasons, I feared what would occur with it in the wrong hands.

mike: And by “the wrong hands” I mean “not my hands.”

gyosh: So as Kamek ran away with the star, I shattered it into five pieces.

tom: Gee, this definitely doesn’t sound like every Mario RPG ever.

gyosh: I ordered to have the shards sent to five dangerous places-

mike: But how’d you get them from Kamek? If you could retrieve the pieces, why not the whole thing?

gyosh: -a volcano, a haunted mansion, a glacier, a pyramid, and

crow: My belly button.

gyosh: the sea bottom.

gyosh: I just couldn’t risk the star falling into the wrong hands. Finally, livid with his actions, I cast a spell to turn Kamek into a foul imp.

tom: You know, everybody’s really racist against Koopas.

gyosh: However, Kamek has become much more powerful over the years.

mike: It turns out that after being a Yoshi, there is nothing demeaning enough to break your spirit.

gyosh: He has threatened to find the star shards, then use them to bring about a reign of chaos into the world.

tom: I know! I’ll tell him I’m gonna steal the shards! That way, he’ll be forced to send someone to stop me! It’s the perfect plan!

mike: If you knew where they were hidden, why didn’t you just put it back together yourself?

gyosh: This brings me to the favor I mentioned. Mario, I beg you, please travel to these five locations and retrieve the stars, then return them here so I can better guard them.

crow: But that’s how they got stolen the last time!

gyosh: What do you say, Mario?

mario: Okey dokey!

mike: What the-

crow: How can-

tom: Good going! You’ve ruined Mario FOREVER!

gyosh: Excellent! Please use my private ships to sail to those areas.

mike: I’m sure you won’t be attacked a second time! It’s inconceivable!

tom: I don’t think that means what you think it means.

gyosh: Mario, I thank you from the bottom of my heart and wish you luck on this perilous journey.

mike: Just, don’t expect to get paid or nothin’.

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