PMD 22: A Child Called “Weedle”

The next morning…

: I feel as though I’ve been off in a side-story for months.

PMD 22-1

: Well, maybe, but… hey, did we-

s2: Hush, now.  Spoilers.

PMD 22-2

s2: Here’s the mail, it never fails-

: Stop right there.

PMD 22-3

: This is the worst mail ever.

s2: Alright, then.  Let’s check the bulletin board.

PMD 22-4

t3: Hey, this one looks like a keeper.

PMD 22-5

t3: Heh.  Yeah, right.  Okay, whaddya say we go mock this guy’s romantic failure?

s2: Sounds good to me.

PMD 22-6

t3: Hey, you.  C’mon, we’re leaving.

abs: Oh, is this the part where we rescue innocents from evil?

t3: No, it’s the part where we go make fun of some guy trapped in a forest.

abs: …That works too, I guess.

One dungeon later…

PMD 22-7

It’s time to go back.

: Um… what?  We checked the entire dungeon, but he wasn’t there.  What gives?

: I think we forgot to accept the mission.

abs: …But, I mean, he should still be here, right?  I mean, it’s not like he only gets lost when you accept a mission.

: Actually, it is.

: Well, that was a waste.

Dungeon Compleat!

The next morning…

t3: Maybe something’ll happen today.

PMD 22-1

t3: I guess.

PMD 22-2

: Okay then, let’s see… anything interesting?

PMD 22-8

: …Huh.  Alright, then, let’s actually do that job from yesterday.

Sinister Woods Floor 9F

PMD 22-9

t3: That’s more like it.

Dungeon Compleat!

PMD 22-10

Scyther: But, next time, could you just pass the job along to some kind of all-girls rescue team or something?

: No.

: Loser.

abs: …Well, I’ll be damned.  You were right.

Scyther: …You guys don’t have to be so mean.

: Yes.  Yes we do.

abs: I mean, getting yourself lost in the forest is probably the stupidest way to try and find a date.  I’m here to save people who are actually in danger, not some idiot.

Scyther: …All right, all right.  Just take your reward and go.  Jerks…

Item Get: Clear Gummi

Rescue Points Get: 10

The next morning…

PMD 22-11

: Yeah, okay, great.  Let’s just hurry it up and get to the next plot event.

PMD 22-12

s2: Mail’s here.

: I noticed.

PMD 22-13

: They’re running a little late.

: Great, another useless mail dump.  Thanks a lot, Pelipper.  Guess we gotta walk all the way to the bulletin board again.

: Whose bright idea was putting that thing on the other side of town?

PMD 22-15

: What’s with all the terrible low-level missions?

: Let’s just hit Thunderwave Cave.  It’s short.

PMD 22-16

poochyena: Owwww!  You big meany.

: Hey, that’s what you get for being someplace I want to go.

poochyena: You’re mean I don’t like you can I come too?

: …

: …

poochyena: Well I’m coming anyway so there.

Poochyena joined the rescue team whether you like it or not.

PMD 22-17

other nidoran: What are high-leveled fellows like yourselves doing in a place like this?

: Just trying to pass the time with some easy jobs.

other nidoran: Ah, men of thrift, are we?  I like that.  Guess I’ll be coming along, then.

: Um, okay, I guess.  Can’t see any reason to say no.  It’s not like we’re at risk of running out of space or anything.

other nidoran: Great. My name’s Kevin, by the by.

: Hey, can you clear something up for me?

other nidoran: Yes?

: I can’t say I remember all to well, but aren’t the blue ones supposed to be the females?

: Why didn’t you bring this up the last time we met a Nidoran?

: I forgot.

other nidoran: It’s all right, most people do.  You see, there actually isn’t any correlation between color and gender.  Not since the second generation, anyway.  It’s a common misconception, and no matter how hard we try to correct it, they keep making the art assets and text match the stereotype.

: How wonderfully convenient.

Thunderwave Cave B4F

PMD 22-18

: Okay great let’s get the hell out of here.

Dungeon Compleat!

PMD 22-19

: How’d you manage to lose your kid four levels underground, anyway?

beedrill: Erm, well, you see…

: Look, we don’t actually care, but if we see you asking for someone to save him again we’re calling child services.

Item Get: 100 Poke

Item Get: Max Elixir

Rescue Points Get: 5

The next morning…

PMD 22-12

: I hope we get something interesting.

PMD 22-20

: “Muckraking?”

: This is why I don’t hope.

At the bulletin board…

PMD 22-21

: Oh, she didn’t.

: Evidence suggests she did.

: I mean, that’s just flat-out negligence.

PMD 22-22

: All right, let’s go stamp out some child abuse.

PMD 22-23

beedrill: Wait, you’re- oh.  Oh, god.  Oh.  Look, it’s not- I- it-

: Don’t act so surprised.  You knew this was coming.  Did you think we wouldn’t notice?  Did you think we were just kidding?

: You don’t accidentally lose a kid in the same exact place two days in a row.  There’s a reason for this.  What is it, huh?  Were you trying to lose him?  Was he running away?  Either way, it doesn’t look good for you.

beedrill: …

: Well?

weedle: …I was bad.

: Hm?

weedle: I… I went into the cave because mommy was going to make me go to bed.

: Wait, what?

: But… what about the second time?

weedle: Mommy told me not to go into the cave, so I did.

: Aren’t you a bit young for spite?

: So… this was all just a big misunderstanding, then?

beedrill: Yes.

: Why the hell didn’t you say something?

: We didn’t really give her much of a-

: Shut up.

beedrill: Well, you were so serious and I didn’t… I… well, I was intimidated.

: Oh, for the love a-

: Well, now I feel dumb.

: …Yeah, I kind of feel bad about all this, too.  Look, we’ll cut you a deal.  We’ll never bring it up if you never bring it up.  Okay?

beedrill: I think that’s for the best.

Item Get: Max Elixir

Rescue Points Get: 5

That night…

PMD 22-24

t3: …the murderer… is you… Mr. President… zzz…

PMD 22-25

t3: Is… is it finally plot time?

PMD 22-26

: Oh, it’s you.  Okay, confession time: what in the hell is going on?

gardevoir neutral: As an agent of spirits… we will kill the unwanted.  We must get rid of bad trees from their roots.  I hope… you… are not one of them.

: What.

gardevoir neutral: Okay, nah, I’m just screwin’ with you.

: Honestly?  That’s kind of a shame.

gardevoir neutral: So, uh anyway… I think I’m supposed to start explaining the plot here.

: This should be fun.

gardevoir neutral: Remember the whole Ninetales legend thing?  That was me.

: You mean you were the trainer?

gardevoir: No, I was the other one.

: Sarcasm doesn’t translate well into text so I’ll just say I don’t believe you.

gardevoir: You just keep on dreaming.

: I don’t have much of a choice.

gardevoir: Anyway, my trainer abandoned me.

: Sucks.

PMD 22-27

: You’re way too happy.

happy gardevoir: He was a mean, conniving bastard.

: You sure we’re not talking about me?

gardevoir: Yeah.  It’s a weird coincidence, though.

: Sure is.  Still, if he was such a jerk, then… why’d you protect him?

gardevoir: I don’t really understand myself, but… if the trainer is in danger…

PMD 22-28

: That’s beyond messed up.

gardevoir: Isn’t it just?

: Still, it didn’t turn out so bad.  You got this sweet ghost gig out of it.

gardevoir neutral: Eh.  I’m not really into infodumping.

: Well, yeah, but you’ve got the whole free-floating thing when you’re not busy with this, right?  Seems pretty sweet to me.  It’s a prime opportunity to mess with people, even considering a ghost’s limited interaction with the world.

gardevoir: You’d think, but HR is really strict with that stuff.  Management’s a bunch of tyrants.

gardevoir neutral: Anyway, we’re running out of cutscene, so let me just cut to the chase.  You were turned into a Pokemon to do a thing.

: …What, is the supposed to be news?  Was I just supposed to assume it was that spontaneous human transformation thing I’ve heard so much about?

gardevoir neutral: Eh, blame the writers.

t2: What the- another earthquake?

gardevoir neutral: Well, looks like my time’s up.  Later.  Peace.

: Yeah, sure.

The next morning…

PMD 22-29

: I guess that means it’s time to kill another god.

(I’m not going to make you sit through it, but the game goes and has a flashback to the conversation with Gardevoir.  That’s right, the game has a flashback to something that happened five text boxes ago.  They don’t have the Phoenix Wright save system, either, so it’s basically impossible to reach this point without going through that cutscene immediately beforehand.)

Next: Let’s Get Cracktacklin’!  Battle With a Lava God!


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