PMD 19: ICE

pmd-19-1

: Any other brilliant insights, Mandelbrot?

s2: Yeah, yeah, yeah.  My point was just that no sane person would follow us out here.  Maybe there’s nobody else around-

pmd-19-2

t3: Be vewwwy, vewwwy qwiet.  I’m hunting the plot.

pmd-19-3

t3: Oooh!  Oooh!  I found a puppy!  Can I keep him?  Pleeeeeeeeaaaaaaase?

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: Well, that was odd.  Let’s just ignore it and keep moving.

(One fade to black later…)

s2: Well, would ya take a look at that.

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: It’s a bunch of trees.

s2: Yup.

: Why’re we looking at this, again?

: I honestly don’t know.

: Let’s… let’s just keep going.

pmd-19-6

(Second verse, same as the first.  A little bit colder, a little bit worse.  I’ve learned my lesson from last time, so I do the mini-dungeon first and pick up some items.)

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(This happens after I kill the very first enemy, oddly enough.  Also odd is the fact that it was a water-type, not ice.  I hope this means the dungeon won’t be as painful as the last, but I also know that’s never gonna happen.)

pmd-19-8

: Yes.  Just like the last one.  Keep up, Billy Buddy.

Frosty Forest 1F

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s2: Hey, look!  It’s our good buddy the first-room stair.  The game’s random level generation is just great, isn’t it?

: Eh, it’s no Pokemon Mystery Du- oh, wait.  Yes it is.

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: A cut… erm, blank screen with text?  In the middle of a dungeon?

: This is… different?  Aw, man, I don’t know what to expect.  I’m scared.

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: Oh, bugger.  We managed to trip the burgalar alarm.  Let’s split before the cops show up.

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s2: Well, that’s a big word.

: How much you wanna bet they used a thesarus for that one?

s2: Oh, no doubt.

Frosty Forest, between 5F and 6F.

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t3: I sense a boss batt– we used that one already, didn’t we?  Damn.

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: From what?  Us?  I don’t think we could hurt it even if we wanted to.

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: Well, that was unimpressive.

Frosty Clearing

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s2: That wasn’t so bad.

: It’s not gonna last.

Frosty Grotto 1F

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: Called it.

(This was in the very first room, FYI.  I decided it was a good idea to give Floyd Gravelerocks, so the idiot uses one on a  sleeping Ryhorn which proceeds to one-shot me with Fury Attack.  He’s not allowed to hold items anymore.)

Frosty Grotto 2F

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(As it turns out, this dungeon’s not all that bad after that first disastrous attempt.)

Frosty Grotto 5F

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: And your stupidity only got us killed once.  Good job!

: Hey, I’m just as much a victim of the AI as you.

: Ah, hell, we used that one before, too.  We’re running out of material.

?: ……..

: Hey, did you hear that?

: No.

?: ……………..

: There it isn’t again!

?: …..Turn back.

?: You may not pass…

t3: Hasn’t stopped us before.

?: You are forbidden to pass.

: Yeah, it really needed repeating.

?: If you persist in trying to pass…

?: Then, so be it…

?: But only after you have defeated me!

pmd-19-21

: And it’s probably not even the dirtiest he’s gonna play.

(It’s kind of hard to communicate in screenshots, but there was a flash of white light or something.)

Gyaaaah!

pmd-19-19

: Looks like your brothers didn’t warn you.  You guys need to work on your communication.

art: Those that enter the forest I shall destroy with all my might!

: Then we should be fine.

art: Let us begin!

pmd-19-20

(You know what’s fun?  Unavoidable room-effect attacks that kill you in one shot.  HELL YEAH.)

pmd-19-15

: Okay, that is just bullshit.

(Second attempt: He oneshots me again, but with a different attack (Gust).  It’s like they decided that leaf-types should be owned by every single boss, which- now that I think about it- is pretty much the case.  Except for Team Meanies, but they suck.  Third attempt was actually my fault.  And then I died to Powder Snow a bunch more times. At that point, I just said ‘screw it’ and cheated myself a whole bunch of Reviver Seeds.  I know, I know, it’s lame, but I figured you’d rather have me cheat than make you wait another month for an update.  If I was just playing the game for myself, I’d either grind up the levels or drop it for something more fun, but I decided that, ultimately, it doesn’t make much difference to you, the readers, and it means you don’t have to wait for me to grind levels.  If it makes you feel better, I reset the game if I died because of not-Powder Snow.)

(Also, this happened somewhere in there.)

pmd-19-22

(So, I finally beat Articuno.  Unfortunately, I don’t have any video for you once again… but it’s not my fault.  I tried opening it to do some editing (adding music, subtitles, etc.), but Camtasia gives me a codec error and WMM thinks it’s an audio file.)

pmd-19-23

: Stop being so damn cheap!  We had to grind Reviver Seeds just to kill you, and I hate having to do that.

: Anyway, we beat you.  Let us through now, okay?

pmd-19-24

: Wanker.

art: The frigid forest’s air… it has warmed considerably in recent times.

: Oh, what, so now global warming’s our fault, too?

art: The flow of the frigid air has been disturbed in the forest.

: The flow of that sentence is disturbed.

art: Snow has started to melt.

: F… Frosty’s gonna be back again someday, right?  RIGHT!?

: I… I’m sorry, but… the greenhouse gasses and-

s3: YOU PROMISED!

s41: You… y-you promised…

art: Snow is melting.  Snow that has never melted before.

: That second sentence was completely unnecessary.

art: This has never happened.  Even once.

: Well, you know, they say change is good every now and again…

art: Then you appeared in the forest.

: Again with the fallacies.  Allow me to introduce you to a ‘good friend’: cost hoc ergo proptor hoc; it’s Latin for ‘with this, then because of this.’  It’s logically invalid; you can’t claim that we caused your problem just because our arrival coincides with it.

art: Is this not your doing?

: Okay, okay, fine.  Just completely ignore me.  I’m down with that.  Really, really, it’s cool.

s41: Look, we didn’t do it.  There’s blah blah blah exposition blah.

art: Is that all?  You expect me to believe that!?

:Well, considering that the evidence is all on our side…

art: Enough of your foolish talk!  Prepare for your end!

: Hey, wait.  Whatever happened to “I shall destroy you with all my might?”  You’ve clearly still got some might left, so you couldn’t possibly have used it all up before.

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pmd-19-26

abs: Watch it, Icebird! Wherever innocents are threatened within a reasonably vicinity of myself, I, Rick, Defender of This Patch of Ground Right Here, shall swoop in to save the day!

: I can already tell that this is going to be just brilliant.

abs: Articuno, you must understand that these innocent passerby are telling the truth!  Disasters have been cropping up like maggots on a deer carcass!

art: Is… is this true?

abs: Would I, Rick, Defender of Things that I Can Be Reasonably Expected to Defend, lie-

s41: Okay, you can stop that now.

abs: [Sigh]…  Fine, alright.

: Good.

abs: Yes, Articuno, it is, indeed, true, for as a white canine with a highly uncomfortable blade in my forehead, I have the ability to sense natural disasters.  Unfortunately, there are simply too many to detect nowadays, so it’s become more of a nuisance than anything.  I haven’t slept in six weeks because of it.

art: ……………….

: That’s getting annoying.

art: So, there are calamities besides this…

art: …………………..

: Blast it.

art: Fine.  I will choose to believe you.  You may pass.

: …Huh.  Not exactly what I expected…

art: However!

: Whatever.

art: You must try to prevent the calamities from spreading.

: It’s way too late for that.

art: I’m counting on you!

pmd-19-27

: I know.  We sure are lucky the Reviver Seed Fairy showed up.

abs: So, uh…

: What is it?

abs: Okay, listen.  This little patch of ground… there’s not a whole lot to defend here, you know?

: That’s what you get for going with the cheap real estate.

abs: And, well… do you guys think I could hitch a ride with you?  I just feel so… so utterly useless out here in the middle of nowhere, you know?

t3: [Snicker].

: Well, I dunno… I mean, I think there’s a little more to it than location, you know?

abs: …That’s cold.  Not as cold as everything else around here, but cold.

t3: Hey, I’m all for another bundle of flesh to put between me and the game’s countless instakill death machines.

: Well… if Trielo’s for it, I guess you can come.

abs: Sweet!

: Oh, but we need you to cut down on your exclamation point usage.   Professional interests and all.

And so…

After getting through the Frosty Forest, Trielo’s team…

Headed further north…

: I didn’t know it was possible for sentences to be this fragmented.

The more they advanced…

The harsher the conditions became…

: You sure I can’t borrow your coat?

abs: How many times do I have to tell you it doesn’t come off?

: That’s no excuse.

(Update finally completed!  Next time: Resolution, to an extent.)

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