PMD 18: Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Bird? ME.

(Words cannot describe how terrible this next part is.  I died well over ten times trying to fight this goddamn boss.)

Mt. Blaze Mid

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: Ow…

: What happened?

: We probably got our asses kicked.

:  Bugger this dungeon.

(Seriously, I HATE this goddamn place.  It’s filled with these bastard high-level Pokemon with cheap one-hit attacks (goddamn fury cutter).)

Mt. Blaze Peak 1F

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t2: Ah!

(FUCK YOU TOO, GAME!)

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: Oh, god DAMN it.

: I think my tail’s still on fire.

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: You really think that?

: No.

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moltres: There is no mercy for those who torment the mountain!

: I still don’t see how this applies to-

moltres: Your words are meaningless!  En garde!

(Video didn’t record.  Not that it matters, ’cause that bastard went and oneshotted Floyd.  I hate this game SO MUCH.)

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t2: DAMMIT!

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(Here’s a shot at the last couple of turns.  Look at that.  LOOK AT THAT. He can do more damage in a single, regularly effective shot than I can in a fucking super effective critical.  That’s four times stardard damage.)

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(And what happens when your partner dies?  That’s right, you get to DO IT AGAIN!  FUCK THIS GAME.)

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: Play it again, maestro.

Mt. Blaze Peak, 1F

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: It’d be really nice if we could start off without one of these bastards coming after us.

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: Bugger!

Mt. Blaze Peak, 2F

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t4: Dammit, Floyd, stop dying!

(So, let’s talk a bit about the partner AI.  Somebody pointed out that you can change the way the AI works; you can, but I never found a use for it until now.  In this area, Floyd is really the only way to consistently defeat enemies.  However, the AI tends to NOT do that for some reason.  To remedy this, I change it from ‘follow me’ to ‘go after enemies.’  Also: The game started us in a room with an enemy AGAIN.)

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(The next issue we have is that the AI is completely retarded when it comes to move selection.  We can do something about this, but there is a drawback.  First off, we don’t want him to use the standard attack, a move which has infinite uses but does almost no damage.  This brings us to ‘IQ Skills.’)

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(We want to turn ‘Exclusive Move-User’ on, indicated by the little stars.  Unfortunately, there is a drawback.)

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(Notice how ‘PP Checker’ is now off?  This is a bad thing, because without it Floyd will attempt to use moves that he can no longer execute.  Nothing can be done about this, but since we’re about to be fighting a boss where it hopefully won’t matter so much I turn it on.  However, there’s still one last thing we need to do.)

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(We can set what moves the AI will use.  This is useful to ensure that he won’t use Tackle- which does almost no damage- or Withdraw, which is a non-combat move and should be saved for the beginning of a battle so you can be sure that you don’t waste a turn that could be used to do some damage.)

(So, here I went on a little grindfest and learned a couple of moves.  Because of how the game works, I had to lose all of my items and money to keep the experience I earned.  Here, have some screenshots:)

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(I never use buffs in Pokemon games.  This may be a carryover from when I was six and couldn’t see the benefit of anything that didn’t actively beat the crap out of people.  As the fight with Moltres would later show, this is a stupid and foolish way of doing things; a couple buffs and I was practically invulnerable… except to special attacks.  Anyway, Pursuit works a bit differently in this game; instead of being an attack, it gives you ‘counter’ status (I don’t think that was in the main games either) which deals equal damage to the enemy when you get hit.  Useful, but not when everything in the goddamn dungeon can one-shot you.)

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(Just for reference, I checked a FAQ; it turns out that Moltres is level 32.  Yeah.  I probably should have grinded more before coming here, but screw that, I’m not grinding levels in frickin’ Pokemon for the internet.  Sorry.)

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(Bite!  It bites stuff.  That’s about it.)

42 Deaths Later…

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: Lost again…

: Okay, screw it.  Let’s head back and take the other path.

I’m glad we don’t have to worry about that angry mob.

: It’s like they’re off having a goddamn tea party or something.

Rock Path B1F

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: Ugh.  Zubats.

: I’m gonna miss walking five steps without being interrupted.

(So.  Rock Cave.  Not much to say other than it’s got some very generous item spawns.  I pick up a whole bunch of Oran Berries (health restoration), along with some Gravelerocks and a reviver seed (instantly revives any fallen teammates); with them, I’m fairly confident that I can take on Moltres.  Also, Floyd levels.)

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Mt. Blaze

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: I knew it.

: We went down four levels and came out where we started.

: Looks like it.

: What the hell kind of adventure game moon logic is that?

: Goddamn Pokemon, I’m tellin’ ya.

: Screw it, let’s just head back.

Mt. Blaze F1

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: What.

: You mean we gotta go through here again?

: Ah, hell.

Mt. Blaze 3F

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: Seriously?

t3: Bwahahaha.

(In case it’s not clear from the screencap, the game spawned us right on top of the stairs.)

(Two boring repeated dungeons later…)

Mt. Blaze Peak 3F

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: Been there, done that, let’s just get this over with.

(Okay, so I didn’t get video for this one because it was being finicky and I didn’t want to play through that dungeon again.  My strategy was to just have Floyd use Withdraw a whole bunch, then let him unload with Water Gun and Bubble while Trielo heals him whenever Moltres uses a special attack.)

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: Thanks fer standin’ still, ya wanker.

moltres: I’m not done!  I’m not finished yet!

: Like hell you ain’t.

s2: Okay, boys, break it up.  Look, we’re not hurting your mountain, we just wanna get the hell out of here.

moltres: …………………….. Do you say that sincerely?

: Extremely.

s2: Don’t believe us?  Just look into my eyes.

moltres: ………..

s2: …………………

moltres: ……………………………………

: ………………………………………………….

: Okay, what?

moltres: ………… Fine.  I trust that you aren’t lying.  You may pass.  Get through Mt. Blaze.

: Our pleasure.

Gyahhhhhh!

moltres: And…. promise me this.  Promise me that you will find the cause of the calamities that wrack our world.

: Fine.

Gyahhhhhh!

: Ow.

moltres: And stop the disasters from sowing more destruction and suffering.

: You know, we’d probably be much more effective at that if you hadn’t made us go through the goddamn mountain god-knows-how-many times.

Gyahhhhhh!

: My ears!

moltres: ………….. I will hold you to that promise.

: The one we haven’t actually made.

Gyahhhhhh!

: Would ya please stop doing that?

moltres: You’ve made me believe that you will honor that promise.

: Sucker.

Gyahhhhhh!

: Jesus Christ.

moltres: If you do not forget… the courage you showed in facing me.

: What, you mean tramping through this place twenty goddamn times just to get beaten down again?  I’m pretty sure that was just stupidity on our part.

Gyahhhhhh!

: What now?

moltres: Nothing.  I was just preparing to take off.

: Wanker.

moltres: Farewell!

s2: Feeling’s not mutual!

t3: Okay, let’s get the hell out of here.

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t3: Quite a vista they’ve got here.  Well, for a GBA-level Pokemon game, anyway.

s2: The mountain’s pretty small from this distance.  Hey, remember how hard it was getting over that damn thing?

: There are many things that I cannot do.  Scrolling up is not one of them.

: Well, right.  Of course.  My point is just that there probably aren’t a lot of people who would bother coming all the way out here.

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: We only beat up a legendary god of fire.  Don’t get cocky.  Besides, that overtly strict fellow with the beard’s still out there.

: What’re you- oh, wait.  You mean Alakazam, right?

: Bingo.

: [Sigh]  Ah well.  Let’s get going, then.

And so, Trielo’s harrowing journey continued.

Seeking refuge in even harsher places…

They fled north.

They crossed row upon row of mountains…

Forded fetid swamps…

Scaled frozen cliffs…

t3: And we did it entirely on a half-eaten candy bar and an old bag of chips!

Until finally, Trielo’s tiny team arrived in a world of snow…

A frigid wasteland of driving blizzards…

Next: It’s cold!  Also, we get a new partner.  Unfortunately for you, I already know exactly what I’m going to do with him.  Sorry.

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