PMD 16: Text. Lots and lots of text.

The next morning…

t3: I’ve got nothin’ to say.

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: That’s exactly what you said yesterday, except reversed.

: Blame lazy writers.

t3: Done and done.

: Oh, hey.  I’ve got a question for ya.

: Is this gonna be stupid?

: Take a wild guess.

: Ugh.  Just get it over with

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: Of course.  Staring into the sun gives you psychic powers?  That’s retarded by Pokemon standards.

: Well, yeah, but I wasn’t talking about that.

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t3: Oh, that?  Nah, not really.  We both know it’s not really my fault.

: Well, yeah, I suppose… but he said something about the world’s balance being upset.

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: Well, isn’t it obvious-?

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: Wait, what the hell are you talking about?  It’s some vague societal point at which all is proper and blah blah blah blah bollocks.

: Look, I don’t even know what I’m saying right now, okay?

: Yeah… I see what you’re getting at.  Seriously, just look at that.  That’s completely, utterly retarded.  It makes no sense at all.  “It’s in space?”  What the hell?

: Were they under the impression that a balance is, like, some kind of actual physical location?  Is it a cultural thing?  I mean, maybe it made sense in the original Japanese.

: God, this is stupid.

: Can we stop ruining whatever suspension of disbelief we had now?

: Yeah, I guess.

: …

: Now what?

: I guess we’ll head into town and stock up for today’s whatever we’re doing.

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: Hey… there’s a bunch of guys over there…

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: Hell if I know… which means it’s eavesdropping time, natch.

: “Natch?”

: Yeah, I don’t know either.

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: It really shows.

sn: I always thought it was only a legend.

be: But could it be true?

s2: I can guarantee it.

be: I’m having a hard time believing it…

: What’s going on here, anyway?

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: No, but I can bet you’re gonna tell us.

l: It’s that old fairy tale.  You know, the one about how you’ll get cursed if you touch one of Ninetales’ tails.

sn: All this time, everyone thought it was just a legend.  But lately, it’s been rumored that it’s really happened.

: I don’t like where this is going…

be: Well, it is still just a mere rumor.

: No it’s not.

be: I wouldn’t put too much stock in that old story if I were you.  Personally, I don’t believe in rumors of that sort.

: That’d be admirable if anything made sense here.

l: If you want to know more about the Ninetales legend…

: I don’t.

l: You should go see a Pokemon named Whishcash.  He knows the story well.  Whishcash is uh…

: That’s not how people talk.  At least put the ‘uh’ separate from everything else.  Sheesh.

l: You know, in his pond.  You should visit him if you want to know more.

: We probably don’t have a choice.  Let’s go, Floyd.

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c2: It was fun.

: Oh, Japan.  You have no idea what small children are like, do you?

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: …I seriously doubt little kids enjoy folklore that much.

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: Not really, but-

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: That’s not what I-

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: I don’t think you’re-

w: There once lived a Pokemon named Ninetales, who had many tails, all of which were imbued with psychic powers, and anyone foolish enought to touch one of the tails would be cursed for a thousand years; now, there was this human, see, and he was foolish and he touched the tails, so he got cursed, but a Pokemon named Gardevoir saved him at the last second and sacrificed herself because he was her partner, you see, and people and Pokemon have strong bonds, ya know?

: Jesus Christ, don’t you ever stop for-

w: Right, so, then, Ninetales asked the human, it said, “Do you wish to save Gardevoir?” and then this lousy kid, he ran off, ya see, so Ninetales became disillusioned and then it made a prediction and it said “That human will one day be reborn as a Pokemon.  And when the human becomes a Pokemon… the world’s balance will be upset…” and then that’s the end.

: …

: …

: Is it done?

w: So, did you find it interesting?

: To be honest, I stopped-

w: Ah-hah!  You found it so interesting you’re at a loss for words, huh?

: Nothing could be further from the truth.

w: Hey, brighten up that face a bit!  Come on, why so serious?  Sure, there’re some rumors that say the legend is true, but it’s only ancient folklore, nothing more!

: Okay, you know what, screw this.  Let’s just leave.

: Thank god.

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: Wanna just take the day off?  I’m convinced some massively retarded plot twist is gonna turn up tomorrow, and I don’t want to delay it any further.

t3: That’s the best idea you’ve ever had.

: Well, ‘night then… wait… sorry…

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: Oh, no, no, it’s fine, I doubt myself plenty already, a little more’s not gonna hurt.

s2: Oh, that’s right, I forgot.  We’re both really bad at being heroes, aren’t we?  Well, glad that’s over, then.

(Okay, I took a lot of liberties with that conversation, more than usual, but do you really wanna see Ho Yay in a Pokemon game?  ‘Cause I’d be obligated to take that route- it’s THAT bad (Direct quote: “You’re a really special… friend”), and I REALLY don’t wanna.)

t3: Oh… another dream sequence… I guess it’s time for something strange and unusual, then…

: Hey… there’s a… little silhouetto of a man…

Chorus: SCARAMOUCHE SCARAMOUCHE WILL YOU DO THE FANDANGO?

t3: Ah, there we go.

?: I… am…

: Oh, wait.  I guess there’s plot to be had, then.  Goddammit.

?: I am Gardevoir.

: Is that supposed to mean something?

gardevoir: Oh, that’s just like you, Trielo.  Would it kill you to pay attention every now and again?

: What?  Did I miss something?  Was it that fish guy?  I wouldn’t know, he was boring as hell and-

gardevoir: This is exactly what I’m talking about… although, I can’t really say I blame you.

t3: For the record, I can’t blame me either.

gardevoir: Typical.  Well, whatever.  I’m out.  We weren’t gonna get anywhere anyway.

: Fine, then.

The next morning…

: Goddamn it.  What the hell, game?  Wait… there was something Whishcash said…

: …

t3: Nope, lost it.  Eh, it wasn’t important anyway.

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: Hey, you look kind of pale.  Got the flu or something?

: I think I’ve got a bit of a fever… and the only prescription is getting the hell on with the plot.

: Well, there was a crowd at Pokemon Square.  That can only mean something important’s happening.

t3: Oh, joy.  This should be ‘fun.’

(So, we head into town and…)

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be: It really was true!

: Let me guess.  You’re talking about the legend that everybody just happened to bring up yesterday for no reason whatsoever, right?

be: You know it!  I didn’t believe the rumors, so I was shocked to learn the truth!

: A truth you took at face value with no solid evidence, right?

c2: Trielo.  Floyd.

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: You’re here for this little exhibition too, huh?

c2: Yep.

sn: Ssh!  Quiet.  That guy there’s telling us.  Quiet.

: Ah, go f-

c2: Trielo?

: -ind a ditch.  And then throw yourself in it.  Yeah.

: Hey, wait a second- that’s…

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s2: I never thought we’d see the day!  This just might be his first explicitly evil act yet.

gengar: …So I went up to the Hill of the Ancients.

: I guess that was kind of evil.

gengar: And that’s how I saw it!  It was shocking stuff, I’ll tell you!  Kekeh!  This certain Pokemon was getting advice from Xatu.

gengar: That Pokemon… it looks like an ordinary Pokemon…

: Oh, he’s talking about me.  I can’t wait to hear this.

gengar1: But get this!  It was originally a human!

: Only in the loosest of senses.

be: What!?

: Don’t act so shocked.  I mean, it’s pretty clear that you’ve heard this before.  That’s the only way that thing you said before makes any sense.

sn: It really existed… a human that turned into a Pokemon…

: Oh, you gotta be kidding me.

: Look at these people!

: It’s amazing how sheep’ll show up for the slaughter.

: With just us condemning, they’ve lined up like lemmings he’s lead to the water.

: You guys’re honestly buying into this?  No proof, no evidence, nothing but Gengar’s word.  Let me tell you something, this guy’s word is absolutely worthless.  He openly aspires to world domination.  He runs a rescue operation that calls itself Team MeaniesHow the hell do you people get through the day?

gengar: There’s more.  Xatu told the human… that how the human became a Pokemon has a lot to do with how the world’s balance is upset.

: He’s about as unreliable a narrator as you can get.

l: Wait a second… that’s exactly like the Ninetales legend!

: ‘Therefore… it must be true!’  Good logic there, buddy.

gengar: Kekekeh!  Don’t be shocked yet!  There’s more!

gengar: You all know how there’ve been many natural disasters, correct?  According to Xatu, they’re caused by the world’s balance being upset.  And if the world’s balance isn’t restored soon…

gengar1: The unthinkable will happen to the world!

: Rule 34?

: God I hope not.

gengar1 That’s what Xatu said!  Kekeh!

l: What!?

be: The world… the unthinkable’s going to happen?

sn: What’re we to do?

gengar: Now now, people.  There’s no need to panic.  Why, there’s a way we can do something about this!  Kekeh!

: Hey, you think maybe Gengar’s the one causing the natural disasters?  Like, he creates a problem that he controls, stops it, and looks like a hero?

: Nah, he’s too lame for that.  I mean, Syndrome was no Joker, but he was way better than this guy.

sn: What can we do?

gengar: It’s simple, really.  If the world’s balance is upset by a human becoming a Pokemon…

: …Ah, hell.

gengar1: Then, if that human is gone, then everything should return to normal, correct?

l: Th-that’s true!

sn: When you put it that way… maybe you’re right.

: No.  That’s just utterly, thoroughly wrong.  It’s not logically valid in any way, shape or form.  It sounds good, but not if you think about it for five seconds.

gengar: Kekeh!  And that human is the rotten coward who abandoned Gardevoir, correct?

: No, that’s really not a valid conclusion.

gengar: I don’t think that human can complain about anything if we get rid of it.

: Hasn’t stopped me before.

gengar: Isn’t that right, Trielo?

: No.

l: Wha… what?  It… it can’t be!

: It isn’t.

be: Y-You… you were that human!?

: NO.

sn: Is that true?  Hey!

: How many times do I have to deny it?

: This is bad.  They’re starting to get worked up…

: Guys, look, we can explain…

sn: We’re not asking you!  We’re asking Trielo!

: And I’ve already said no!

sn: So, Trielo, tell us.

: (Oh, crap.  I gotta think of something.  Saying no’s not gonna work…)

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t4: (Oh, thanks a lot, game.)

: Trielo…

gengar1: Kekekekekeh!  Looks like you have nothing to say in your defense, Trielo!

gengar: That’s how it is, fellow Pokemon.

gengar1: Let’s get rid of Trielo and regain peace!  Kekekekekeh!

: No… no…

: Okay, think… How do I handle… Wait!

medium_phoenix_wright_objection_

pw-staredown

t3: You know something, Gengar?  I’m tired of your bollocks.  This is stupid.  You can’t possibly back up your claims and you know it.

l: What!?

t3: All you people have is Gengar’s word.  Come on, don’t be so bloody thick.  Why the hell would you believe anything this bastard says?

gengar1: And why should they believe you after what you did to Gardevoir?

sn: Yeah!

: Because you haven’t proven that I did anything to Gardevoir.

gengar1: Sure I did!  You heard what Xatu said!

: Did I?  Can you provide any evidence to back up your claim?

gengar: Easy.  We all know you went to the Hill of the Ancients, and that it was your first time, so you must have talked to Xatu or else you wouldn’t have been able to leave.

: How on Earth do you know that?

: That’d be my fault.  Word must’ve gotten around when I started looking for directions.

: But how do they know we actually went?

: I’ve got a good track record for that kind of thing.

: You’re an idiot, Floyd.  Well, anyway, how do you know Xatu said what Gengar claims he did?

gengar: You tell us.  We’ve already established that you were there.

: …Well played.  Yeah, Gengar’s right…

sn: So you are the human that abandoned Gardevoir!

be: Burn the witch!

: Hey, hold it!  We’re not done here yet.  You can’t prove that I’m the human in the legend.

gengar: Why should we have to?  We know that your being a Pokemon is connected to the natural disasters.  That’s more than enough-

: That’s where you’re wrong.  The logic just doesn’t add up.  Cum hoc ergo propter hoc- it’s a logical fallacy.  Correlation does not imply causation.  Just because I’m connected doesn’t mean that I’m the cause.

gengar: But you might be.  Why take the chance?

: That’s a completely ridiculous-

gengar: My fellow Pokemon, what matters more to you?  Your continued existence, or the life of the one who betrayed Gardevoir?

: But you haven’t proven-

gengar1: What is proof?  The refuge of the weak!  Enough talking, Trielo!  Why, there’s not telling how many live your stalling has taken!  If we continue to allow-

: Let us not assassinate this lad further, Gengar. You’ve done enough. Have you no sense of decency, sir, at long last? Have you left no sense of decency?

gengar1: Decency?  I have no need for-

t6: SHUT THE FUCK UP.

gengar2: What!?

t4: I’m getting really goddamn tired of this.  Gengar, your arguments are essentially flawed.  You’re a damn moron.  And you know what?  The same goes for the rest of you idiots.  What the hell is wrong with you?  Can’t you take five damn seconds and think about what’s going on around you?  There’s no way in hell this guy’s a good source of information and his logic is terrible.  But no, you just lap it up.  You’re all goddamn sheep.

gengar: Listen to that outburst!  Is there any doubt remaining?  Only a human could come up with something like that!  Slander’s what that is, ladies and gentlemen.  We’ve got to get him out of here, before he kills us all!

sn: Yeah!

be: Kill it!

l: Smash up ‘is windows and kick in ‘is doors!

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: Don’t look so damn surprised.  We were doomed from the start.  A guy like Gengar, there’s nothing you can do with him.  Just look at ’em, Floyd.  We might have logic and facts on our side, but Gengar?  He’s got mob mentality working for him.  All we can do now is wait for the dues ex machina.

l: Trielo, forgive me!

: Wait, wha-

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t3: Ohoho!  So that‘s how we’re gonna play it, huh?  Bring.  It.  On.

: No, we can’t take all of ’em.  We’re gonna have to make a break for it!

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: Oh, god dammit.

: Floyd, listen…

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: I don’t think I can do this much longer.  Everyone in this godforsaken game is such a complete moron

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: Dammmit, not them.  This is the last thing I needed.

al: After that scene in Pokemon Square… we held a town meeting… on what we must do to save the world…  And we arrived at a consensus.

: What, you mean in the last ten seconds?

al: We must get rid of you.

: Not a chance, Squinty.

al: I was incredulous, too.  I had hoped it would not come to this, but…

t6: Sneak attack!

: …

: Dammit.

al: Nice try.  And now… we shall kill you.

: Here?  Now?

al: Ye… nah, just kidding.  You’ve got tonight.  Then we’ll kill you.  It’s only fair.

: No it’s not.

al: Oh, it isn’t, is it?  Well, that’s just too damn bad, sonny.  You’re gonna have to deal with it, ’cause tomorrow all the rescue teams’ll be comin’ after ya.  They will attack without hesitation, and not just Trielo.  Everyone that goes with him will be exterminated.

: Untold masses against one?  That’s pretty uneven.

al: Fine, then.  I’ll give you some advice… run.  Run as fast as you can… I can catch you, but don’t let that get you down.  Just run.  Run until you can’t run anymore… or until you stumble across some big revelation or we get bored or something, whichever comes first.  We’ll be going now.  Next time we meet, you will die.

: …Well, I guess I’ll get packing.

: Packing what?

: Good point.  Guess that makes things easier on me, then.

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: You always find ways of making things worse, don’t you, game?

c2: We made a promise, remember?  That we would build a rescue base here.  That I would join your rescue team when we grew up.

: Dammit, why’d I do that?

c2: Trielo…  Don’t give up.  You’re a hero to me, Trielo.

: You’re not very good at choosing role models, are you?

c2: I believe in you too, Trielo.

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: Hey, dying was never part of the plan.  Not that I had one to begin with… but still.

The next dawn…

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: “Guessed?”  You woke me up!  With stones!

: That’s what you get for sleeping in.

: Why’re you here, anyway?

: I’m coming with.  I thought that was obvious.

: Oh…  Look, man, you don’t have to go through with this.  Here, let me look up the suicide line’s number…

: Don’t be like that.  Look, we’ve got to go.  They’re gonna come after us any minute now.  We don’t have time to grab any of the team; besides, I’d rather they stay not dead in case we need them later.

: Right… we gotta run… like Alakazam said-

: No time for flashbacks.

t3: Oh, good.

?: Trielo!

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: And those guys nobody cares about!

c2: Woiw!  I’m glad we made it!

jump: We wanted to see you off, Trielo.

: Feeling’s not mutual.  Let’s get out of here, Floyd.  This’s gone on way too long.

?: Me too!

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: Grand.  Now bugger off.

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: How long does this go on for?

Trielo read the letter.  It said:

“Take care!  It’s farewell, but only for now.  Until the day I can deliver mail to you again…

I’ll always be waiting.

-The wander postal carrier,

Pelliper-”

: Eww.

dig: The other Pokemon will be waking up soon.  You have to go!  Hurry!

: We’ve been trying to, but you wankers just keep showing up.

c2: Take care!

jump: We’ll be waiting for you to return!

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: Quick, let’s get out of here before they start a sing-along or something.

Thus began Trielo’s

cruel and arduous

journey as a fugitive.

Over forbidding mountains…

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: …That’s not a mountain.

Across fields of fire…

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: What’s that mean?

: Not a clue.

But throughout it all,

Trielo’s team kept

their heads held high.

Without a complaint,

they marched on.

: My feet hurt.

: Shut up.

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: I can’t feel my legs.

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?: I think they went this way.

?: They can’t get away.  Not from all of us.

: Those guys’re really damned determined.

?: We have to get rid of Trielo quickly.

: You know, just in case you forgot why we were running.

Lapis Cave B-

Oh hell no.  This update’s long enough (clocking in at more than 40 pictures uploaded and over 3000 words).  Lapis Cave next time.

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