PMD 12: Silence of the Chasms

The next morning…

: It’s a brand new day and the sun is high… whoop-de-friggin’ do.

: What, no week of pointless, boring dungeons, then?  We’re just jumping right into it?

: Joy.

: Yeah, hold on, let me check the top screen.

: Well, whaddya know.  We are, in fact, where we are.

: Oh, hey, I remember you.  You were the guy from Happy Days, right?

: No, no, Happy Days wasn’t sepia toned.

: Well, it should have been.

: Nah, that would have been different and unexpected.  Remember, this is Happy Days we’re talking about.

: But… um… well… it’s Shiftry.  He hasn’t come back yet from the rescue mission.

: Wait, what?  It’s been like two weeks now.  Why didn’t you come to us- or anybody, for that matter- sooner?

: Our friend Jumpluff got wedged between the rocks…

: First off, there’s only one of you so that pronoun is completely inappropriate.  Secondly, we already know this.  We remember the cutscene.  Finally, you’re all named Jumpluff so that’s a really bad way to be specific.

: You didn’t answer the question, either.

: We Jumpluff can go anywhere if we catch a wind, but…  Even though the skies are filled with thunderclouds, for some odd reason, the winds haven’t blown.

: That’s a really odd sentence.   It just seems… poorly written.

: Shiftry’s leafy fans can whip up powerful winds…

: Thank you very much for your incredibly valuable information.  It’s not like the game told us all this three cutscenes ago or anything.

: We thought Shiftry’s winds would be able to dislodge our friend but…

: It didn’t work, though, huh?  Wierd.  It’s not a very tough rescue.

: Wait, what?

: Oh, no you don’t.  Don’t do this to me, man, I didn’t even say anything.

: Your look says you don’t need to be asked.

: …Well, really, it’s more of a ‘I know you’re gonna ask us, let’s get it over with.’  Same thing, though.

: R-Really?  Thank you!

: Don’t worry about it.  A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do…

: Of course, I’m a lizard so I don’t have to do anything, really, but… ah, screw it, let’s just get going.  Floyd?

: Yeah, sure.  But, actually…

: You sure you don’t want to take someone else along?

: Fine.  Don’t want them getting out of shape.  Except Magnemite- he can just bugger off.

: C’mon, stammer boy, we’re bringing you along.

:Y… Yes, sir.

: You know what?  Let’s get some more friend areas, too.  This army isn’t amassing nearly as fast as I would like.

(One quick trip to town later, and…)

-Got Mushroom Forest- -Got Transform Forest- -Got Rub-A-Dub River- -Got Tadpole Pond-

: F… foreboding…

: Not really.

: Hey, wait a second- where did you come from?  Where’s Norman?

: I… I’m down this path a bit.

: My friend’s down on the bottom floor.  Please help…

: Whatever.  Let’s go.

: I’m going to hate this, aren’t I?

: There’s something I forgot to mention… this chasm is known as Silent Chasm, but…  It’s rumored that an amazing monster sleeps here.

: That just figures.

: W… well… it’s j-just a rumor, right?

: That’s bollocks and you know it.

: Why are you even bringing it up?

: Well… Shiftry hasn’t come back yet… I just thought I should let you know…

: OOOWW!  My stomach… it hurts…

: Oh!  What’s wrong?

: Um… my stomach hurts…?  I… I think I ate something bad this morning.

: You didn’t eat anything this morning.  Or ever, for that matter.

: I must say, Mr. Floyd, your ruse is unusually… weak, to tell… the… um… er…

: Yeah, what’s up with you, man?  You’re not usually this transparent.  Or this much of a pussy.

: What’s wrong with you, Trielo?  You too, Norman!  Back me up here!

: Uh… you… feeling okay there…?

: You’re my partner!  You have to catch my drift better!

: I… I think t-there’s… s-something wrong with Mr. Floyd…

: Wh-why this sudden outburst, Floyd?

: Hm.  He seems to have reverted to the game’s script.

: Don’t you have stomachache?

: Oh, god dammit, what is wrong with you people?  Come on, that’s the most transparent ploy I’ve seen since the last time I watched a crappy teen sitcom.

: No, uh… it passed…

: Mr. Trielo… he’s starting to scare me

: Yeah, I’m not really sure what’s going on here.  It looks like we might be doing things a bit differently… keep an eye on him, though, he could probably go completely psycho on us at any time.

: So, this monster, what’s it like?

: I don’t know very much… it’s just an old folktale.  I wouldn’t know whether it exists or not.

: I do.

: All right… there’s nothing we can do about that.  We’ll just have to hope the monster doesn’t really exist.

: Nah, it won’t be much of a problem.

: My friend Jumpluff should be around B10F…  Please take care!

: You bet we will!

: I… I’m beginning to suspect that they’re, uh, not… not really listening to us…

: You get used to it…

Level B1F

: You feeling better there?

: You know full well I was faking!  You know, we really need to work on this ‘teamwork’ thing.  You’re not being a team player.

: Not what I meant, but it answers the question.

: Yay!  Good for you, Trielo!

: Never, EVER make that face at me again.

Level B2F

: I’m actually kind of mildly concerned.  Any thoughts, Norman?

: Um… n… no…

:I… still die with a s-single h… hit, right?

: Yep.  You should probably pour all your EXP into ‘not sucking.’

Level B3F

: Okay, so, what kind of retarded ploy is this game trying now?  Nobody eats anything in this game- except for me, and even then only once or twice a dungeon- so it can’t be food poisoning.

Level B4F

: This is Pokemon, so it’s probably something mind-shatteringly stupid.

Level B5F

: Aliens, maybe.  Or some kind of clone or something.  Does Pokemon do clones?

Level B6F

: Could be some sort of hypnosis or a mind wipe or something.  Do they make amnesia berries?

: Oh, hey, that’s right.  You exist.  Come on, then, any ideas?

: You know, it’s not nice to talk about people behind their backs!

: Yeah, whatever.  Trust me, I wouldn’t be where I am now if I cared about being nice.

Level B7F

: I take… er… well… I am to assume, then, that this is… er… not a common occurence, yes?

: First time I’ve seen it.

Level B8F

: Wow!  What a big room!

: Is it just me, or does everyone get excited over the most useless stuff in this game?

Level B9F

: Dammit, we’re running out of dungeon.  Oh well, I guess there’s only one thing for it…

: Ow!

: God dammit, Trielo!  What the hell was that for?

: Ah.  Good to see you’re back.  Guess the Fonz was right after all.

: Wait, what?

: You haven’t said anything… er, coherent, I guess, would be the word for it, maybe ‘not stupid’ would be better-

: Since around the time you complained about your stomach hurting.

: Oh.  Must have been some bad Thai food the other night.

: The irony is palpable.

Level B10F

: I doubt it.  This dungeon was way too short to have any kind of satisfactory payout.

: Why’re you so shocked?

: Well, I kind of figured he’d be stuck somewhere.

: Shi… Shiftry’s in the back…

: Oh, what is it this time?

: Happy to.

: Get away from here!

: P-p-perhaps we… sh-should listen… to……. him……… maybe….

: That’s why we’ve got an owl.  Get to it, Norman.

: I c-can’t see e-either…

: Oh, god damn this game.

Gyaooooooo!

: It’s coming!

: I can’t believe it.  This game’s actually doing something epic for once.

: Maybe.

?: Move aside, you!  He dared to disturb my sleep!

: I freaking called it.

?: I have no mercy for meddlers!  And that includes you!

: I’m sorry sir please just let us go on our way I promise we won’t get in your way he’s all yours really I swear it don’t kill me-

: A bird?  Intimidating.

: Hey, where’s Shiftry?

: Probably got eaten.  Poor bastard.

: I am Zapdos!  The embodiment of lightning!

: Wait, what?  I don’t think that’s how it-

: SILENCE!

: Oh, bugger off.

: If you wish to save Shiftry, then scale Mt. Thunder!

: Well, I know what we’re not doing tomorrow.

-Dungeon End-

: I’m still confused, though.  Why was Zapdos at the bottom of Silent Chasm?  Whatever happened to the power plant?

: Yeah, you would think the embodiment of thunder would live in someplace more… electric-y, wouldn’t you?

: But even though I’m safe… Shiftry is still in trouble…

: We’re gonna have to save him, aren’t we?

: Oh, I dunno.  It’s only right.

: Why not get Team ACT, though?  Not only are they more qualified, this whole mess is their fault anyway.

: That’s a severely debatable point.

: You’re right.  It could be this loser’s fault.  Tell us what happened, Jumpy.

: Shiftry whipped up winds with his fans…

: No shit, Sherlock.

: And released me from between the rocks.

: Of course, you couldn’t actually just leave then, could you?  No, of course not, that’d make things easy for us.

: But those winds tore a thundercloud in two… and that’s when that monster appeared in the sky.

: That’s just stupid.  How do winds tear a thundercloud in two?

: More importantly, why was there a cloud underground?  Stupid quasi-omnipotent Zapdos.

?: Did you say Zapdos?

: Yes, Zapdos.  The Pokemon equivalent of a thunder god.  The guy who’s going to kill us because you convinced Shiftry to save this little idiot.  The thing that should be your problem.

: I’m still walking around with a giant, fire-breathing lizard.  It would be best if you didn’t provoke me.  Besides, Shiftry’s winds weren’t the cause.  They were merely the trigger.  For starters, the lack of wind there was unnatural.

: Okay, stop that.  No it wasn’t.  The place was down 10 floors.  TEN FLOORS.  There are no god damned winds TEN LEVELS DOWN.

: …Point taken.  Nevertheless, it must have been triggered due to the natural disasters.

: Methinks you’re dodging the blame.

: Shiftry must be saved.

: Yes.  By you.  Because it’s your fault.

: I don’t think that’s really a logical argument, Trielo.  All Alakazam did was convince Shiftry to not be a stingy bastard.  You can’t really expect him to take responsibility for the unfortunate circumstances surrounding the rescue.

: Well… maybe… but… he’s still more qualified.

: I know that.  We will go.

: We’ll go too!  We’ll go help Shiftry!

: NO GOD DAMMIT FLOYD WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?

: Sorry, Trielo.  We have to make sure the plot goes as planned.

: No.  You can’t come.  This is dangerous.

: No, sorry, we’re coming and there’s nothing you can do about it.

: Oh, damn… ow… my stomach…

: TRIELO!

: No, really, this is a bad idea.

: It’s okay.  He always puts on these fake stomachache acts.

: And here I though I was the king of hamfisted irony.

: ……Fine.  We’ll make our seperate ways through Mt. Thunder.  I see that you have the courage for it.

: Have you all gone crazy without me?

Next: Some grinding!  Just a bit.  Maybe Mt. Thunder.

Recruitables: Well, we’ve got Nidoran and Weedle on the first couple floors of Mt. Thunder.

Viewer Participation: Who should we bring with us?  Norman, Scrappy (the Magnemite), or Nether?  Or should we leave them behind to leave an extra space for new team members?  Also, I want to know what you think of the little mini-subplot that ran through the update.  I want to mix things up a bit, but at the same time I’m worried about falling into the ‘retarded fan fiction’ zone.

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