PMD 11: The World Ends With Gengar

(FAIR WARNING: Long update is long.)

: That’s just about the worst name for a dungeon ever.

: You know, I’m not too sure about this.  Somehow, it seems wrong to beat up the mentally retarded, and you know we’re going to eventually.

: Except that they are bad people and must be punished.  It’s in the plot.

: God, this is stupid.

Level 1F

: They’re really not so good at placing these inexplicable steps, are they?

Level 2F

: They’re very, very bad at it.

Level 3F

Level 4F

: Hey, up there… is that…?

: No, not really.  It’s some kind of living petrified tree thing.  Don’t think about it too hard.

: Yeah, that’s great.  Let’s move it along, game!

Level 5F

Level 6F

: What a wierd little mushroom-thing.  Let’s kill it.

Level 6F

: What the…  It’s got scythes for arms.  That’s… actually pretty awesome.  We gotta get this thing.

(I know what you’re thinking; this game likes to dick you over with recruits like this- you’ll have a completely different set of enemies by the end of the dungeon most times.  It makes recruitment searches annoyingly useless.  There’s a way around it, but I have to play through the dungeon first.  I’ll do that from now on.)

: Well, damn.  Let’s recruit this thing.

: Yo, yo, yo.  You think you can just beat on me like that?

: Well, I just did, so yeah.

: You’re a cheeky little bastard, you know that?

: That sounds about right.

: So, uh… you gonna join up or what?

: Yeah, fine.  I ain’t got nothing better to do.  Name’s Nether.

(Thanks to Nethertribes for the suggestion.  Also thanks to Ledyba’s punching things, for letting me mess with said suggestion.)

Level 9

: You want I should beat on that guy?

: Nah.  I need to kill him to get him to join.  This game is stupid like that.

: Take that, sons of b*tches.

: I’m still four levels above you.  Watch yourself.

: That was fast.

Level 10F

: How high does this place go?

Level 11F

: Getting ever-closer to not sucking.  Good for you.

: Watch it, yo.  I have fists for a reason.

: Keep talking.  Every word gets me just a bit closer to kicking your ass.

: Oh, um, I daresay chaps, um… could I come with you?

: Why not?  What’s your name?

: My, er, handle is, um, er, that is…

: Get on with it!

: I’m Norman.

: Well, welcome to the club… or something.

Level 12F

Level 13F

: There’s no way this is the normal forest tileset.  This can only mean that it’s ass-kicking time.

: Yo, finally!  I’ve been waiting to bust up a few punks.

: Stop with the inane ‘gangsta-‘ and I cringe even using the word, it’s so horrendously stupid- dialog.  It is stupid and degrading and stupid.

: Erm, what exactly is it that we, um, are going to be, er… dealing with, yes?

: Just Team Meanies.

: … Erm… what?  Surely… surely you’re joking.

: Nope.  They’re the plot-designated antagonists, and damn they’re stupid.  Just wait and see.

On the plus side, they’ve got a good sense of timing.

(HEY, KIDDIES!  Do you want some dramatic music to loop over the pre-boss dialog?  I know you do!)

: Where did you come from?  I never saw you once the entire way up.  Were you, like, waiting for us or something?  Because that would be incredibly stupid, even by your admittedly high standards.

: So, for you to go ahead…  Well, we can’t let that happen.

: Then I guess you’re just going to have to deal, because that’s how it’s gonna work out and you know it.

: H…. Hey… um…

: Oh?  What’s this?

: Why… why are you on our cases?  I mean… just… from what I’ve seen, you’re pretty lame and… well… I don’t think you’re in any place to be going after anybody, all things considered.  I mean, just, why are you bothering us?

: Oh?  Didn’t we tell you?  Our aim is word domination~!

: Well… then… that’s just stupid.  J… just…. so stupid… and.. and it doesn’t even answer… the… question………. I just…. I can’t….

: Hey, it’s okay.  We’ll handle it from here on out, stammer boy.

: Caterpie’s mama will give us a generous reward…

: Wait, what?  That’s sick.  Y’all are sick mother-

: Hey!  Language.

: Even not reading into it, your logic is pretty goddamned stupid.  Butterfree’s a middle-class housewife.  Not the kind of person you can extort large sums of cash out of.

: Besides, it’s not her child that’s missing.

: And Caterpie will join us too…

: Yes, I’m sure we’re all very terrified of your four year old.  Get to the point.

: That brings us closer to our goal…

: Lamest villains ever?  You already got it, trust me.

: And for that, your lot is in the way!

: Now, well, see, that’s um…. a… a straight, er, answer, yes.

: So, sorry to say, but you’re party’s over here and now!

: We’ll see about that.  Bring it, punk!

: Say good-bye, Floyd!

: See, now you’re doing it again.  He’s not the leader, I am.  Do you have some kind of a grudge or something…?

: I don’t think so.  I’d remember somebody as stupid as that.

: Have at you!
(BATTLE TIME!  Here‘s a video for all you fancy YouTubing-types.  SUMMARY: We win, and a bunch of really stupid novice errors are made (Mouse in frame, a bit of the NOT emulator is showing, and I learn that I need to up the screen size a tad).  Nether and Norman level up and you get to see the generic, retarded level-up declarations.  See, the difference between this and the game is that I have minor characters get actual lines of dialog. This leads to actual personalities which tend to clash pretty heavily with the shallow, barely-hinted-at ones in-game.)

: Owowowow!  You’ll pay for this!  Don’t you forget it!

:Yeah, whatever.  Go be lame somewhere else.

: YES.  Let’s go.

: Thank you, Caterpie!

: Why’re you thanking him?  We did all the work.

: And thank you, Floyd and Trielo!

: Better.

: But I don’t have any money…

: That’s okay!  It’s not like we’re Gengar or anything.  We’re not gonna charge a four-year-old.

: …………………………………………………………….Cool…….

: (Why is he looking at me like that?  It’s creepy…)

: (Oh, lighten up.  It’s just hero worship.)

: You’re even more cool than I thought!

: That’s real nice, kid.  Now run off and do whatever it is caterpillers do.  Eat, I guess.

: I want to go on rescues when I grow up!

: Oh, I’ll be long gone by then.

: Oh, come on, be a sport.  How about we do something right here?

: …Look, I tolerate you as a friend, but… no.  Just no.

: No, you git.  I meant making a proper rescue team base.

: … What the hell would that even look like?

: Gasp!

: … What is it?

: You said a cuss word!

: …………………………………………………………..

: Well… it’s just…

: I want to work here when I grow up!

: And… my mom doesn’t approve of cussing…

: Don’t worry about it.  I’ll watch myself.  Sheesh.

: Well, then… let’s just make sure we build a proper base.

: Trielo and Floyd!  Thank you again!

: Does this mean you’re leaving?

: Oh, get over it.  You said it yourself- only a jerk like Gengar would charge a four year old.

: Anyway… ‘night.

: Yeah, whatever.

Next: I don’t really know!  It’s an adventure!

Community Participation Time: Well, we’ve got two recruits now, Nether and Norman (Magnemite, too, but do you really want to see him?).  We can only take three people into a dungeon and we can’t swap out Trielo or Floyd, so who’s it gonna be?


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